The other night my husband was listening patiently as I unloaded some thoughts on a very passionate topic we were discussing. I was struggling with how to communicate the thoughts in my head and the words coming out of my mouth. And I said, like I’ve said many times, “I just don’t know how to go about saying any of that to them.” Usually, he wouldn’t respond (or if he had wanted to, I had probably interrupted him before he’d had the chance.) but this time he did. He said, “you should say it like you just did.” And I stood there dumbfounded.
I sat there in a strange moment of epiphany. What have i been doing? And how long have i been doing it? My mind was trying to catch up with the truth that was already very clear in my spirit.
YOU ARE GOING HALF CAFF.
YOU WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE THAT WAY.
STOP DILUTING YOUR VOICE.
Dilute: make (something) weaker in force, content, or value by modifying it or adding other elements to it
What the heck?? In a sheer moment of honesty, I knew it was true. I was indeed modifying the way I choose to speak and in retrospect I was weakening the power behind my words. Now I needed to figure out why I’d been diluting my voice (and for that matter, my life). I need to find the source, dissect it, and then murder it. Yes, i said ‘murder it’. I imagine it as a Walking Dead style, Michonne sword, zombie herd approaching, SLAUGHTER.
But diluting something is much easier than attempting to un-dilute it. This is gonna take some time.
While I’m walking all of this out (and swinging my sword left and right) I’m remembering who I was created to be – who God called me to be. Where He called me from and what He called me to. Why He called me to live, and move, and breathe. And while I may know the ‘who’ and the ‘what’ and the ‘why’, the ‘when’ and the ‘how’ still awaits. And that is okay. He is un-diluting my life again and I need to go through the process.
Fridays Are For Writing 